Moving through Anxiety, Stress & Grief with Zoilita Grant

Zoilita has been involved in fostering human development for over 40 years. She is a pioneer in the field of Hypnotic Coaching, serving as Vice President of the American Council of Hypnotists (ACHE) for 21 years. She worked for over 25 years specializing in hypnosis, and for the last 12 years she has been a hypnotic coach. Her desire to serve both her peers and the general public led her to help form the Colorado Associations of Psychotherapists, serving as the president for 6 years. Zoilita graduated from UC Berkeley in 1971 with a BA in psychology and got her MSW from UTEP in 1979. She had the privilege of managing two nonprofits, a YMCA in El Paso, TX and a Drug and Alcohol program in Bellefontaine, OH. Other than a short period of time as a Drug and Alcohol corporate trainer, she has mostly worked in private practice.

Zoilita Grant is our guest today and serves as the Director of Colorado Coaching and is owner of Mindset-for-Success.  

Zoilita offers our listeners a free gift toward the end of the show if you will email her at: 

[email protected] 

Visit her facebook group and website for additional free information and meditation offerings.

Zoilita’s website: https://www.mindset-for-success.org

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1765045683746989/

Six-Figure Success Coach: 3 Things You Must Know if You want to Make a Difference and a Great Living

https://mailchi.mp/zoilitagrant/six-figure-success-coach-webinar

Then I have put my life’s work into a new training Six Figure Success Coach 02/22/2022

https://mindset-for-success.org/six-figure-success-coach/

Transcript of the Show

Bryan Hyde
Welcome to the Janine Bolon show, where we share tips from around the globe. As we guide practical people with their finances using money tips, increase their incomes through side businesses, and maintain their sanity by staying in their creative zone.

Janine Bolon
Welcome to the Janine Bolon show. It’s great to have you with us again today. And we also have a wonderful guest by the name of Lita grant. I mean, she is going to be describing with us over the next hour, how to help with like anxiety and how to stay positive and upbeat even though you may be personally going through some pretty dark times. We’re also going to describe some of the factors that can help you move forward some tips and techniques for how to handle grief and loss. Now, something that you may not know about Lolita is that she has been involved in fostering human development for over 40 years. She is a pioneer in the field of hypnotic coaching, serving as Vice President of the American Council of hypnotist for 21 years, she worked for over 25 years as a psychotherapist specializing in hypnosis. And for the last 12 years, she’s been a hypnotic coach, her desire to serve not only her peers, but the general public led her to help form the Colorado associations of psychotherapist serving as its president for six years. So Lita graduated from the UC Berkeley in 1971, with a BA in psychology, and she got her master’s in social work from the University of Texas in El Paso in 1979. She had the privilege of managing two nonprofits, a YMCA in El Paso, Texas, and a drug and alcohol program in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Other than a short period of time as a drug and alcohol corporate trainer, she has mostly worked in private practice. And not only that, she is a fellow author and a friend of mine, welcome so much to the show today. Zuleta.

Zoilita Grant
Thank you so much for having me, I just really appreciate the opportunity to speak to your audience, and hopefully bring them some hope into their lives today.

Janine Bolon
One of the things that I absolutely enjoy about being able to chat with you is a lot of this stuff we already know, but it never hurts to be reminded. And that’s one of the things I love about you is you’re just that gentle voice, reminding us like if we’re in a state of anxiety, and a lot of our young people ages 18 to about 24 are in high anxiety as well as anybody who’s lost a job. So do you mind kind of chatting with us a little bit about some tips, some techniques, and just the mindset that can help us stay in that remembrance, that all goes well in this moment. So one of the most important things to remember is that peace of mind is an inside job.

Zoilita Grant
It’s never going to happen from looking at exterior realities and reality ranches. These are very anxiety producing times. But I’m very hopeful because I believe in humanity. And I believe in our ability to raise our consciousness. And I believe in the capacity that we have to create fun tools change. And a lot of the systems that occur currently are falling apart are systems that don’t support us.

Janine Bolon
You know, all of this lack of workers that have fled certain industries, a lot of them are becoming entrepreneurs. And they’re developing their own varieties of business where they’re more in charge of their own destiny, and they’re having more positive experiences in their life. So the basic point that I really want to speak to those of you who feel so anxious inside is that

Zoilita Grant
you have to begin to learn some habits to attain peace of mind.

Zoilita Grant
Because peace of mind will help you to handle all experiences in life better.

Zoilita Grant
When you’re anxious, everything gets worse. Your ability to cope, your ability to make positive choices, all of those things go downhill. But there are some simple habits and let’s talk about three simple habits. The first habit is to begin every day by grounding yourself.

Zoilita Grant
Lots and lots of people are much more sensitive to other people’s energy than they even realize. But if you ground yourself it helps you to stay inside of you so that you’re not so influenced by pain and suffering in the world around you.

Zoilita Grant
And the easy technique is put your feet flat on the ground sit in the chair

Zoilita Grant
Imagine you have roots. So go down into the earth. And as you begin to imagine you have those roots, it’s like you’re building strength. Into this moment, it’s helping you to stay more present in this moment of time. The second technique is pay attention to your breathing. Deep rhythmic breathing helps you to stay in that state of like a cat while you’re deeply relaxed, but you can move if you need to move. When people start to become stressed, they naturally begin to restrict their breath. When you restrict your breath, you set up a reaction in your reticular activating system that’s at the base of your brain. And it throws you into your emotions rather than into your thought process. So ground yourself every day, pay attention to your breath. The third technique I’m going to call mindfulness. Now, there’s many, many descriptions of mindfulness. This is my own particular variety. Sit in a comfortable position, keep your eyes open, and look at something attractive, something you find pleasant. And as your mind wanders away, just bring it back to breathing. Set a timer. 10 minutes will give you really excellent results. maximum benefits are achieved at 22. Very, very simple. The reason you keep your eyes open, is because it’s easy to go into fantasy, when you close your eyes, or making laundry lists or rehearsing things of the past. But when you keep your eyes open, and you just breathe, it helps you to stay present. So those are your three techniques. ground yourself, pay attention to your breath, practice 10 minutes of mindfulness a day.

Janine Bolon
I absolutely love this. Because when you talk about look at an image or look at something that you find pleasing piece of artwork, whatever, whatever it is that you enjoy. That’s, you know, easy and assessable one of the things that immediately started laughing about about keeping the eyes open is like it’s not about going into the grocery list or the to do list. It’s like, oh, Amen, sister, that is exactly where my brain ends up going. So people can practice these three tips for helping them with anxiety and anxiety in general, seems to be one of the biggest challenges for our young people. Because like you said, all these institutions are breaking down. What are some of the things that you’ve noticed how people have come to that storm, not only for themselves, but in their specific, you know, Facebook group or their community in general.

Zoilita Grant
So, it’s so important that you stay focused on the positives. There are so many inputs to us every single day. And a lot of those inputs to us are really covered by negativity. And we have a lot of serious challenges that we are facing as humanity. But one of the things that has characterized the human race is our ability to adapt. And we’re going to an experience through Crete requiring a lot of adaptations. Okay, the world as we knew it, will no longer exist. You know, I was joking with a client the other day and I said, normal is merely a setting on the drive. So, how do I love that? You know, the best way we adapt is from the inside out. And I’m very aware person. I have a presence on Facebook, I have a wonderful group called mindset for success community, where there’s nothing but positive information and tips, like we’ve been talking about to eliminate anxiety to deal with depression to make your life better. You know, we have to make our lives better from the inside. And we do that by taking personal responsibility for our life by getting a clearer picture of what we want our lives to look like by getting the blocks out of the way and that’s why I’m so so enthusiastic about hypnosis is because it’s the easiest way to get those subconscious blocks out of the way. We have to develop a plan to take us from where we are to where we want to be. And then we have to reprogram ourselves for what I think of as staff.

Janine Bolon
And a lot of people, when they think about reprogramming, I always get some folks that will say, Oh, what do you mean, that’s just a form of not dealing with reality or fantasy? And I, I’ve always found that if you have a vision board, or if you have a concrete plan that is not based in fantasy, but can you talk to us a little bit about dealing with reality versus dealing with where you want to go while you’re in your reality,

Zoilita Grant
so So you have two aspects to your mind, you have your really good intellect, and you have your wonderful intuition. And I think in the best of all possible worlds, we use those together, we create the incredible vision board, I have a really, really nice one in my kitchen. In addition to creating that wonderful vision board, we create a real world practical plan with goals and action steps that take us from where we are to where we want to be.

Janine Bolon
I agree with that I have used so many times, I’ve used vision boards, and I have a lot of people that tell me, Oh, they don’t work, or I keep them in my head. And I like to talk to them about look, you have a lot of stuff you carry around in your head, but you will forget certain things if you don’t put it into this three dimensional reality. What are some of the tips that you would love to share with people and I can’t wait to bring us back, I just want to let you folks know, stay tuned, because we have to cut here for a commercial in just a minute. But the leader will be back and she’ll talk more about creating a plan for yourself so that you can move forward as well as how to stay positive during dark times when you personally are experiencing some of that negativity even to your best ability of trying to stay positive. And how not to do that where you’re fooling yourself. A lot of people don’t like that aspect of some of the positive thinking folks out there as the leader is going to give us some practical tips so that we can move forward with that. Stay tuned, we’ll be back in just a moment.

Janine Bolon
It is it wonderful to have you with us today on the Janine Bolon show, as we chat further with so Lita grant our guest who’s been fostering human development for over 40 years, and is a pioneer in the field of hypnotic coaching. She works a lot with hypnosis, but she’s also working a lot with the mindset coaching that is so necessary during these times. And at the beginning of the hour, we were describing about anxiety and some of the habits, we had three habits that you can use kind of help walk you through anxiety. And now, so Louis was chatting about how how you go about walking through dark times. So as the leader go ahead and take it away for us.

Zoilita Grant
So the reality is, we are in challenging times, we’re in challenging times with the environment, we’re in challenging times with our social systems, with our economic systems. There’s a lot of challenges going into the world. And I think it’s important, we’re aware of that. But it is also important that we stay focused on the concepts of solutions. And sometimes in order for things to come together in a better form, they have to come apart. And I believe over the next few years, we will see a lot of that in our society, in our culture where things that operated in certain ways will break down and they will have to be created in new ways. But it is so important to be lighthouses during this time. Old that concept of light to hold that concept of of hope in the world. Someone asked me the other day whether I thought humanity was going to be able to save itself and save the planet. And I said yes, I have a lot of faith. I believe it’ll happen to consciousness, through programs just like this where people get opportunities to find out the power that they have inside of their own mind to really affect their experience of life. You know, we don’t even have to go into metaphysical or quantum physics ideas. We can just stay with practical reality. When you start to live your own very best Life, when every day you do the next right thing, it has a ripple effect. It affects everyone that you catch. And when you are living your own very best life and you’re staying very present, and you’re staying very conscious, and you’re focusing on the positives, and you’re thinking, what is the next right thing I can do? It does make the world a better place. And I feel like there are dark times around us. And there is the impact that we see of negativity in the world. But there is a bridge that takes us to tomorrow. And that bridge is really made up by your own particular level of consciousness that you aspire and you stay within. And you are definitely affected by the company, you keep at one of the reasons that I’m really an advocate of this whole concept of, let’s embrace success. Let’s figure out what success is for you. And as we figure out what success is for you, what’s help you get to that place of a truly successful life. I believe that on the other side of these darker times, there will be a beautiful new tomorrow. And it’s so important to get trained to live in that new tomorrow. And so taking personal responsibility for life, getting a clearer picture of what you want your life to look like, getting all of the blocks out of the way. And those are going to be in the subconscious. So I really encourage everyone to explore hypnosis and how it can help transform you, you know, my slogan has always been change your mind, change your life. Create by design, not by default. But as you transform your own mind, and you learn to make better and healthier choices. You transform your life. Don’t you think? That’s true, Janine.

Janine Bolon
I absolutely love the work that you do. And also the perspective that you have, you know, you hear a lot of these words and all of these concepts. But it always helps to have a different perspective. And that’s what you bring is a different perspective. And you were talking about, yes, there’s a lot of challenges that are being presented to us right now. But also look at the solution. So I just have to geek out here for a minute. One of the things I absolutely love about where we are, is Did you ever think in your lifetime, you could use your phone to take a picture of a cheque, and your bank would allow that to be deposited. I mean, that geeks me out every time. It’s like when the flip phones first came out. And I was like, Scotty Beam me up because I was such a Star Trek fan. You know, it’s that kind of level, I geek out every time I take a picture with my phone. Number one, my phone is also a camera. I think that’s you know, number one. Number two, the bank will accept that as a deposit. I mean, it just makes my mind just go crazy. So I love what you say about focusing on solutions. So are there any practical tips you talked about take responsibility for your life. Now, sometimes when you’re in dark times you feel like life has acted upon you. So if somebody is walking in that place, what are your recommendations for helping them take responsibility to move forward to get to feeling better?

Zoilita Grant
So let me tell you a personal story of something that just happened to me. Okay. I have wonderful relationships with my adult children and my grandchildren. I feel really blessed in that area. They both texted me within 10 minutes, saying they were going to be out of town for Thanksgiving. So I went through this cycle of emotions. After all the things that I have done to my children, they have bad to be on Thanksgiving.

Janine Bolon
That yes, we’re allowed to have that little pity party forgive me. We’re allowed to have that little pity party, go ahead. And then I said

Zoilita Grant
okay, but I have a choice here. What if I think about this as an opportunity? And I noticed that I have a lot of frequent flyer miles. And so in the space of an hour I was arranged I arrange a I would signed up for a vegetarian retreat yoga retreat in South Carolina. I paid for it with frequent flyer miles. I had credit with my cat sitter. So I had my cat sitter, you know, agree to covered watch the cat, I arranged transportation to the airport. And it was like, by shifting my mindset. I’m gonna have a wonderful four day yoga retreat in beautiful country that I’ve never been to before.

Janine Bolon
And that is an actual example of how you go from having that little Oh, woe is me moment, which we all have. I mean, if you’re a human being walking on planet earth I, I’ve had people say, Yeah, but the spiritual masters didn’t do that whatever spiritual master you happen to happen to read or what have you. And I disagree vehemently. Because yes, they were able to stay in a state of bliss for a lot of the time, but even they would find themselves grieving over the loss of a parent, or the loss of a, an individual. And so as much as we would love to put on pedestals, the Ascended Masters or spiritual masters, please realize they were human too. But the what I like to say is the time from the event of Oh, my gosh, my children have abandoned me on Thanksgiving, to the point of I’m booking, I’m headed to South Carolina on a vegetarian retreat, you know, is shorter and shorter and shorter as far as the mindset and that is where we want people to go. Anything else you care to comment on that?

Zoilita Grant
Well, I, it was interesting for me to watch my mind, to be able to watch my mind and to watch how it is that we think about something affects how it is we experience it. So that’s a big tip that I want to give to all of your listeners. Okay. So when you’re having an experience that feels like a horrid experience, it’s very important to take a moment to think about, can I change my perception of this. Because a lot of times our perceptions of experiences come from childhood incidences that are unresolved, I’m sure everyone’s familiar with the concept of getting triggered by when you get triggered, it’s because you have unresolved emotional content in the subconscious. So your reaction is out of proportion to events. That’s why the main tool that I use with my clients, and that I plan to teach to my students in my new training is this tool of hypnotic coaching, combining tools and techniques of a coach with the power and the punch of hypnosis, creating incredible transformation.

Janine Bolon
And so when it comes to a moment that you’re having a dark time, you know, whatever that is, something has happened, you found something on Facebook, or you’re scrolling through an Instagram feed, whatever it is where you get bad news that you find yourself just spiraling out of control, and you’re starting to move into anxiety or depression, become the watcher of your mind. And do you have any tips on that you’d like to share there Solita. So

Zoilita Grant
again, preventive health is a real key piece. And one of the things that I would really like to deal with in our next segment is to teach people, the preventive health formula that will allow them to easily move from reaction into action.

Janine Bolon
And nothing I can think of is more important at this time of what we’re moving through in this reality is being able to have the opportunity to do preventive health measures not only for your mindset, but also for your emotions, because a lot of us are getting triggered at various times, because of all the stuff that is happening at once. So it’s not just one area of your life, most of us are walking around going there isn’t a single area of my life that is not in a constant state of flux at some point. And so with all that happening, do stay tuned when Selena is going to walk us through a Tip Tip hide tip process of how to have preventive health measures in place so that when you find yourself feeling abandoned, betrayed, hurt rigored that you have that basis and that foundation to move forward in a more positive space and still remain authentic to who you are. See it in the next segment.

Janine Bolon
Hey, welcome back to the third segment of the Janine Bolon show. With us today is the leader Grant, who is a human development coach who has been around for 40 years. She also helps with hypnotic coaching and mindset success. And she has been walking us through multiple tips on how to handle anxiety, what happens when you’re actually in dark times, and you want to kind of as not escape your reality, but you’re wanting to move into a more positive framework. So you can be that lighthouse to your community. So these are some of the tips that she’s walked with us through. So now as we promised in the last segment, she is going to work with us a little bit on what or she has a preventative health formula that you can use before you get triggered by something. So Selena, please take it away.

Zoilita Grant
So this is a daily routine. And I definitely want to give a shout out to a wonderful woman named Bo Maxwell, who runs an organization called the sage method community because this is based on some things that that she does in her work too, with my own special twists. So remember, I said when we were talking about anxiety that one of the very best ways that you can help prevent anxiety overwhelming you during the day is to start your day with a grounding exercise. So this uses that grounding exercise as part of the formula. But this is a routine and the routine is called Ground. Clear, protect and connect. And this is a daily routine that you can do in about I have a mp3 I give to my clients. And if people want to email me, I’ll send it to them that 16 minutes long, it really sets you for your day. So the very first technique is bringing your attention to the soles of your feet and letting roots flow all the way down to the earth. Now in the center of the Earth, there’s a ball of liquid golden fire fire without heat the fire with power, and fire with energy. And some of your roots go round the ball and you become grounded. Take a breath, be grounded. Some go in and you are connected, connected and grounded. Take a breath. Let go. Now imagine that directly above your head is a beautiful golden sand. A beautiful golden sand with only healthy Ray. And the golden light of the Golden Sun shines down upon you in a clear shield from all interference and you’re grounded and cleared. Now almost like you’re setting on a straw, you pull that power up into your roots. And you imagine that that red gold fire just flows all the way up that distance into the soles of the feet in the arches. It flows into the complex bones and the top of the feet, the ankles, the calves and these the thighs take a breath like it flows up the spinal column into the physical brain it flows all through the vital organs. It flows into the face, the jaw, the cheeks, the ears of flows into the mind, take a breath NECA it flows into the energy system and spins the energy in that red goal fire. It flows out the top of the hat and all around you. Now imagine that you can pull that energy in so you have a spacesuit around you. And you’re grounded, clear protected. The last step is to connect we all have a GPS we all have our own intuition. So you get to take a moment and quiet yourself and you say what do I need to know what do I need to see? What do I need today and you listen inside and you can do that full routine in like six or seven minutes a day and it will set you for a really really good day. The last piece which is the piece I add into my mp3 is the piece of taking a few moments and imagining your day. Imagining you as the very best you moving easily an hour breathlessly through your day. And then take a deep breath, flutter your eyes open, wiggle your fingers and toes and fully present.

Janine Bolon
These forms of visualization that you’re talking about, as well as the techniques that you’ve added with the grounding and clearing and protecting. These are things that professionals have used for a long time, whether they were athletes, creatives, authors, it doesn’t matter highly successful CEOs of corporations. It’s like you don’t have a business, unless you have a very strong sense of vision. And if you’re going to be a leader of any kind, that sort of visualizations required and so they may have used different systems than what so leader has gifted us here today. But these are required for your version of success. Did you want to talk a little bit salita about how to kind of define for yourself your version of success because we get a lot of input, as you’ve already talked about in the first segment, about how much we are thrown, how much is thrown at us of what we should do and what we could do and you’re losing out on your potential. And there’s just a lot of stress wrapped up around that. So how does somebody get that clear message of what is my version of success.

Zoilita Grant
So of course, it has to come from the inside. You know, when we used to think about success, the two parameters were always considered to be power and money. And then a third parameter in like 60s and 70s came in, which was time. So it was time, power, money. And then in the early part of the 21st century, a woman named Arianna Huffington came up with the idea that there has to be a fourth pillar, and it has to be quality of life. And so I think that how you find success for yourself is in those parameters. We have a whole wheel of life. And we want to have success in our, in our career life, we want to have success, financial security buys you freedom, we want to have physical success having a healthy, vibrant body, we want to have emotional success being emotionally balanced, we want to have mental success. Having our mind stimulated and interested, we want to have relationship success, meaningful relationships. And I think we want spiritual success, we want to find our own particular way of feeling like we’re connected to something greater than we are. Because that helps to take the content of life and give it more meaning.

Janine Bolon
And that is a whole different perspective than what many of us were raised with, which was, you know, money being financially secure. And they may not use the word power so much, a lot of times, it’ll be your life purpose, I’ve seen people get stressed out because they don’t know what their life purpose is. So I don’t want to say that power and purpose or equal in any way. But it’s kind of like I’ve seen that word power transform into what is your purpose. And if you don’t have that, then you’re not a success, because you’re just living by default. And that there, I have found that to be nothing is further from the truth. For some people, some people living by their default is they’re so connected inside. So talk to us a little bit about that. That trance, that shift that you and I have seen over the last 30 years of it was power, it’s now on purpose. And that living by default is now negative. And I’m like what? Yeah, chat with us a little bit about that shift.

Zoilita Grant
So, again, I want to highlight this concept of your whole wheel of life. And when you look at your whole wheel of life, you want to look at it in terms of level of satisfaction, not necessarily how much time you spend in that area. Like I only need to read one novel a month. You know, in order to feel like my mind is getting like stimulation, okay? But other areas of my life, I need to do some physical movement every single day. So it’s not time, it’s level of satisfaction that you feel. So when you look at that sole wheel of life and you think about what is your level of satisfaction, then you want on a wheel that is valid. You don’t want a flat tire life. And you want to come up to at least the 80th percentile cuz that’s only a be life.

Janine Bolon
Right? We’re not even on the a list with that. Yeah.

Zoilita Grant
Lock your listeners to have a lives okay? That’s the speed To the concept of life purpose, being able to find what true life purpose is, is really being able to connect with the authentic part of who you are. And that means that you have to get beyond all of the things that society and friends and family ever say, into what does your heart say? What does your heart say? And that’s a process. That’s the process to really go into that place where you have more and more presence with your own authentic being. I think it’s also part of the spiritual journey. I think that as we discover our own true spirituality, it leads us to be able to live more into our authentic self.

Janine Bolon
And I know a lot of people talk about this, but just the speed of our lives, can be sometimes being successful is learning how to slow that down just a little bit. So would you care to share a little bit about the speed with which people are moving.

Zoilita Grant
So being able to practice a pause, allows you to be able to assimilate the experiences that you’re going through on a much more measured way, a lot of the anxiety and depression that we see in our society right now, are being caused by the fact that people are living their lives to faster pace. That’s why practicing 10 minutes of mindfulness twice a day, allows that mind to come into a place of center, and helps you to get perspective on your experience.

Janine Bolon
Thank you so much for helping us with this. And one of the things that I’m really looking forward to in our next segment is when somebody is going to talk to so how to handle grief and loss because of what’s going on around us in our reality right now. There is a lot of feelings of grief and loss that are popping up all over and how you go about walking through that very gently and easily on yourself. And at the same time, not spiral down into depression, if you can handle that. So we’re going to be talking about that in the next segment. Do stay tuned, chat with you after the break.

Janine Bolon
Hello, and welcome back to the Janine Bolon show. I’m here with Zuleta. Grant today, who happens to have worked in the human development industry for over 40 years. She is not only a person who is highly specialized in hypnosis, but she does a lot of success work with people who are business owners, artists, athletes, all all gamut of that she coaches folks from all over the place. And she’s also a very dear friend of mine. And as we’ve been discussing this hour, we’ve been talking about anxiety and how to lift yourself up. When you feel yourself kind of being overwhelmed by dark times and working with preventative health routines and activities that you can do on a daily basis that kind of just give you a little bit more of a solid foundation to stand on. And in this segment, we would really like to chat with you about what we’ve been all experiencing to one level or another is the feelings of grief and the feelings of loss and it sometimes it can get quite overwhelming. On a personal note, this particular weekend, I had to attend three separate funerals. And I was at bedside with a third friend who had passed who had crossed over. And so it was one of those things where I was very grateful that I happen to look at my calendar I would so Lita was talking with us because I have to admit, Monday morning when I was at work, I had to take Monday off, I just was totally overwhelmed with just the feeling of loss and the grief that I was experiencing so so they did if you would take it away with us and talk to us about walking through it as well as being able to not be sucked into that drain of depression but be able to move through and move up.

Zoilita Grant
So I’ve always known a lot about grief from a, you know, academic standpoint and from working with other people. But I got to personally experience it when my dearly beloved partner of 30 years died suddenly in 2014. And that grief felt like it was definitely breaking my heart at the time. And so I learned ways of coping with grief. Acknowledging the grief is there rather than pushing it down, but also containing it because unfortunately my husband’s dad left me with $24,000 of extra medical expenses even though he hadn’t ference, so I couldn’t just stop working. But what I needed to do was be able to have a period of time when I allowed myself to be deepened my grief. And so I basically cried in the shower every single morning for probably nearly a year. And then every afternoon from three to four, I allowed myself to really explore all the loss. For me, a lot of that was listening to music that we liked together. We attended a lot of music conference, concerts of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan, I think my husband knew the words to every single Bob Dylan song there ever was. And I would like myself, listen to that music and just cry. And remember things I also put together like a collage of pictures from our life together and a book and made two of these books and gave one to each of our children, and did things to acknowledge the grief, but not allow the grief to completely overcome my There are still days, like his birthday, when I basically had to cancel the day, and just spend time really focused on him. So being able to know that you have intense feelings, and being able to accept the fact that you have to express those feelings, but at the same time, knowing that you are more than the feelings, that these are just feelings, they are not who you are. And so you can manage your feelings, without allowing the feelings completely overwhelm you. If that makes sense.

Janine Bolon
That is something that sometimes the emotions are so intense, that it’s easy to forget, right? We can remember it consciously, like when we’re sitting here, like you and I chatting, having a wonderful conversation. But when you’re deep in that grief, you can forget that this isn’t who you are. And that’s where some of those techniques that you were describing earlier, regarding watching your thoughts that can help pull you out of those very chaotic emotions. Sometimes I didn’t know what kind of things you’d like to talk about regarding that. But I’d love to hear your perspective on watching those thoughts when you’re trying to pull up from those emotions.

Zoilita Grant
And also, knowing that three o’clock in the afternoon is the time when you’re really going to allow yourself to think, you know, it’s kind of like delaying your idea. You know, I started out weighing 265 pounds when I was 16. Today, at 76, I weighed about 124.

Janine Bolon
Well, congratulations. First of all, we need to say congratulations on that that’s a lifetime of, of work to keep that happening for you. So well done.

Zoilita Grant
So in that transition, I learned to say yes, indeed, I do want that piece of pie, but I’m not going to eat that piece of pie at 10 o’clock at night, when I’m just going to bed, I’m going to eat it for breakfast, that ability to delay. to delay gratification, I learned to do that with greed, I learned to say, I am going to be working now. And I need to be fully present for my clients. But this afternoon at three o’clock, I’m going to let myself really think and feel all of these thoughts. And I was able to learn to do that. Because I also have all of the preventive health habits that I am encouraging your listeners to develop.

Janine Bolon
And that was one of the things that was surprising to me. I was working with a fellow radio show host and we were on each other’s shows and it was my turn to be on his and one of the things he said to me is Janine, why do you have such a strong need for structure because he was talking about my calendar and I’m you know, I always tell people i i Will I live in dive on my calendar. And that’s exactly what I was talking to him about. It was like in order for me to accomplish and not accomplish as far as you get more done. That’s, that’s number one. But in order for me to enjoy life in order for me to have all the activities that I want to have so that I have my own definition of success. And you and I’ve talked about this before, I have to highly structure my calendar, just due to the sheer volume of being a single mom having four kids. You know, there’s a lot involved in that. And so definitely love the fact that you bring up, you can delay these things. You’re not pressing them, but you’re delaying them because that was something I learned from my mother who had a chronic illness. And we knew she was terminally ill in 1970s. And what was fascinating to me, was how she said every morning at 7am till 715, she would have her pity party. Oh, woe is me, I’m a terminally ill person, bla bla bla bla bla bla. And so it was wonderful to hear you say that? Because it reminded me of Oh, yeah, I remember that’s where I got my segment, you know, my time segments came from was that kind of teaching? So what are some things that we can do when we find ourselves kind of, because it’s kind of consuming, right? You’re sitting there minding your own business, right? All of a sudden, you smell a with it tobacco. And the next thing you remember, you’re sitting there sobbing, because you remember your uncle, who bah, bah, bah, you know, whatever, sometimes grief. You know, we feel like we get shanghaied into it. What are some tips that we could use to move forward

Zoilita Grant
without doing the preventive health things, if you have designated times that you’re going to work on your grief feelings, your reactions will be minimal.

Janine Bolon
Is a comfort,

Zoilita Grant
you will not have such an intense reaction, because you had your time yesterday that you really thought a lot about your uncle and all the experiences and you grieve that loss. And you’re planning to have some time later on today. So your subconscious learns that. And as your subconscious learns that, then your reactions to events have more of a pause in it. You know, like when I was describing my experience around the Thanksgiving, and what was happening, okay, when I started to feel like, oh, my gosh, I can’t believe this is happening. I could start to watch how my mind was going to go. And it was a little bit like lucid dreaming. I could just basically say, Okay, if you’re focusing on that, it’s not really going to make you feel very good. Let’s look upon this as a possible opportunity. As I like to think that God in the universe does things for you, not to you. And it does something for you to give you an opportunity to stretch and grow. So that was a stretch and grow moment. I didn’t like guilt trip either of my children. I didn’t even like discuss with them. The fact that I felt momentarily kind of abandoned. I just talked about us having a wonderful Christmas together.

Janine Bolon
And that brings us back around to your talk and your discussion about keeping our mind on solutions, keeping our mind on positive elements. No, sometimes it’s very challenging, depending upon your environment, to keep your mind on a positive element. However, no matter what situation you’re in focusing on a solution, that’s a whole different thing. So do you happen have a story you can share with us on solutions?

Zoilita Grant
So solutions are basically things that come out of opportunities. So here we are in a situation and you and I are talking together and we’re not really understanding each other because you’re watching the TV and I’m cooking on running the kitchen water. So the solution is, let’s make an agreement that when we talk to each other, we will find out distractions and talk directly to each other.

Janine Bolon
Oh, my let’s have eye contact. And let’s like acknowledge that each other exists. We have to wrap up the show for this particular episode. And I just want to say so, Lita, thank you so much for spending time with us today. All right.

Zoilita Grant
Thank you so much. It’s been a great experience.

Janine Bolon
And that was so Zoilita grant, and I highly recommend that you visit her website mindset for success. You can also go to the show notes and we will have several links for you. There are from free gifts that she is offering you. And I just wanted to say, continue to focus on those positive aspects of your life. Continue to focus on what your version of successes and we will see you next Sunday on the Janine Bolon show, and we wish to thank our partner Kay agency.

Bryan Hyde
Thank you for listening to the Janine Bolon show. Be sure to subscribe to our show notes by going to the Janine Bolon show.com, where you’ll find additional resources as well as the opportunity to sign up to receive our program in your email each week. Be sure to visit our sponsor at https://the8gates.com/

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.