Solving Relationship Stressors and Boosting Confidence by Style with Kari Petruch and Amanda Wood46 min read

Bryan Hyde
Welcome to the Janine Bolon show, where we share tips from around the globe. As we guide practical people with their finances using money tips, increase their incomes through side businesses, and maintain their sanity by staying in their creative zone.

Janine Bolon
Hello and welcome to the show. You may or may not know that the Janine Bolon show is the syndicated program of four different podcast shows that were combined. When our programming was syndicated in October of 2021. My team and I merged all four podcasts into one program just for you. Up to that point, we were running four separate podcasts called The Three Minute Money Tips, The Thriving Solopreneur, The Writers Hour Creative Conversations, and The Practical Mystic Show, but today we have with us and we are highlighting a master relationship coach as well as author and strategic interventionist and owner of The Highest Intent, Life Coaching, Kari Petruch, who will be helping people from all over the world with their relationships, intimacy, and transforming their relationship stressors into learning tools. Now, one of the neat things about Kari is that having lived in many places in the world, she is uniquely qualified to help all people. She spent her young adulthood as a stay at home mom, where she devoted herself to changing people’s lives by educating military families about Individuals with Disabilities Act, and she volunteered as a parent advocate for children with special needs. Now, her truest mission is to help as many people as possible to embrace the incredible joy and excitement that comes with a great relationship so that they will live their best lives together. In Kari’s spare time, she continues to volunteer to help families, specifically, military families to have happier lives. Now, Kari has helped many couples with innovative ideas, amazing tools, and she also happens to be the author of Get Out of the Box and Play, the Secret to a Lasting Relationship, and she is happy to announce the development of an amazing couples retreat. So welcome to the show, Kari.

Kari Petruch
Hi, thank you. Thank you, Janine, for having me.

Janine Bolon
It’s always a lot of fun. I love it when I can have fellow authors or fellow speakers, and just to let everybody know, you and I met at a wonderful thing called Speaker’s Playhouse, where Kimberly Crowe and Ginny Trask were kind enough to put podcasters, radio show personalities like myself, and wonderful authors like you, and they throw us all in the same Zoom room, and they say get to know each other. And you and I hit it off right off the bat with the military backgrounds, our military trainings and what we do. And so one of the things I’m most excited about is, tell us how you got into the whole coaching biz because you were in this long before the 2020 thing. You’ve been doing it for decades. And what got you started in the first place in coaching because you know, that really wasn’t a thing when you started?

Kari Petruch
Well, what got me started was, very into coaching and was curious about relationships, wanting to find the best relationship and wanting to improve the possibility of having the best relationship. And that’s what really got me into it. I spent a lifetime or a childhood rather having difficulty with reality and relationships, because my mother was a paranoid schizophrenic, and so reality to me was a little bit different at home than reality was out there. When I got to school age, I needed to develop relationships with children, and I was really unable to and became really withdraw, because what I knew at home and what was at school were very, very different. And so I became withdrawn, but I became very observant, and watched how people interacted with each other and watched what certain words meant to certain people and how they could be kind and how they could be cruel to each other.

Janine Bolon
So not everybody can say, oh, yeah, so my parent was a schizophrenic, or however you describe all that, I’m sorry, forgive me for messing all that up, but it’s just their… What does that mean? Okay, because we hear those words, but as a child growing up, and that’s the perspective I’d love for you to share is it drove you into having to really learn relationships in a way most of us would never even considered like we make a lot of assumptions when it comes to our relationships. So talk to us a little bit about your experience and then where you saw those assumptions that get in the way?

Kari Petruch
Well, I had assumptions that reality to me was being awakened at two o’clock in the morning to kill bugs that were not there. So I had a vision that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t see the bugs. I didn’t see the people that were there that my mother saw and she wanted me to tell them things. And I didn’t see them. So if your whole world and your reality is that, then my whole world and reality was that there was something wrong with me, not her. And when I got out into the real world, I finally saw that there was something wrong with her, not me. But trying to transition and change how I thought about the world was very difficult.

Janine Bolon
Yeah, I can only imagine on that. But you remind me of several of the kids I used to play with who came from families who had a parent that was struggling with some sort of mental condition, and I remember standing side by side with them, and we’d see something incredible, or something horrific, it just depended upon what we saw. And I can remember those were the kids that were turned to me and say, you’re seeing that too, right? And you could always kind of tell right, we’re all seeing this, right? Is anybody else seeing this? Is it just me? So that’s kind of the thing. Right?

Kari Petruch
Right, and it led to a lifetime of me questioning. Did I see what I saw? Did I hear what I heard? It really did for many, many years. Is this real or not? Is this person saying what they’re saying to me or not saying what they’re saying to me? And I really did for a long time live in fear that I was going to lose my mind, and I was going to be paranoid schizophrenic the way that she was.

Janine Bolon
Right. And that’s something that we all kind of have to walk through at our own pace. So one of the reasons I wanted to make sure Kari came on the show is, I promised you guys with the Janine Bolon show, we will help you with your time, we’ll help you with your money, we’ll help you with your knowledge, and we’ll help you with your sanity. And that’s why Kari is here, because of her experiences. And the reason I focus so much on sanity, is because truly it is a perspective. And you can be with somebody who according to their life perspective, you are insane. I mean, I’ve been called insane by what other people would presume were insane people, right? So it just depends on who you’re around, and that can change depending upon what reality you’re having to work with. So if you don’t mind sharing, because I know this is kind of personal, but I would love to learn what were some assumptions that you had in your own world as a youngster, that as you became more and more acquainted with the outside world through school or whatever, you were relaxed, you were able to relax more, because you could dismantle some of that. What were some of your stepping stones to the reality you now face?

Kari Petruch
My communication with others in interaction with people, there were things that I didn’t know I shouldn’t say. So whatever came to my mind, I would just say, because my world was where, you know, my mother said, whatever came to her mind, there was no filter. And so I had to learn filters with people because I watched their reactions when I would say certain things. One, the very last battle that I had was with the word why. And I would, when I didn’t understand why people behave the way they behaved or reacted the way that they reacted to me, I would ask why a lot for many years, I asked why and I didn’t understand for a very long time, that the power of the word why was not what I imagined. I couldn’t get it in my mind, why the word why was a bad word. And we don’t talk about this in our society too much, but why is seen as a very negative word and very dismantling to people, and after a long time of working on that, I discovered that the reason people get so defensive with the word why is because, and I did it to my kids too, when they do something that they shouldn’t do, whether they understand why they did it, or why they chose that path, we as parents come to them and say, Why did you do that? So it becomes a bad word. When we get older, we don’t realize how that belief that the word why would provoke an angry reaction. We don’t get there when we get older. However, we still display that same childhood defensiveness when someone asks us why. So I learned when I’m talking, when I’m coaching with people to refrain and not use the word why. Well, how did you come to that conclusion? How did you learn to believe this thing about yourself? You know, the word why is so powerful, and I did not understand that. I used to make excuses and say, Well, I just asked a lot of why questions, y’all forgive me ahead of time, you know, but what all of the normal societal things that happened as a child that we learn when we are going to school, I kind of just sat and observed, I didn’t have the interaction. I didn’t have a best friend. I didn’t have relationships. I was very afraid. I was afraid that I didn’t see what I saw. I didn’t hear what I heard. So I’d rather just stay to myself.

Janine Bolon
So there was a comfort within your own skin, but when you had to interact outside of your internal mechanisms, that was a problem.

Kari Petruch
Yeah, it was a problem. And of course, in school, the name calling was tremendous.

Janine Bolon
Yeah, yeah, I think we’ve all had a little bit of that, and I too, was a why kid. I asked why a lot, and people saw it as a challenge, and I was just trying to understand like you, right, so we can we both have that in common. Okay, well, don’t go anywhere, folks, I want you to stick around because I just wanted you to get a flavor of what Kari is like, and where she comes from, why she has the passion she does for helping people with their intimate relationships, because when we come back, she and I are going to be talking about smashing those childhood beliefs that actually keep you away from having strong intimate relationships, and the way you play in your relationships, and if you think that’s weird, or what do you mean play like, you know, relationships are serious business, then you need to stick around until we come back. So we will see you on the other side of the break.

Janine Bolon
Welcome back, I’m Janine Bolon. I have with me a wonderful guest today who happens to be a master relationship coach, a strategic interventionist, and the owner of Highest Intent Life Coaching, Kari, would you say your last name for me again, please, because I butchered it on the first segment.

Kari Petruch
Petruch.

Janine Bolon
Pertruch. This is what happens when you have an analytical biochemist as a podcaster, because all these physicists names pop in my head, and then I look at your name, and I say those instead of the right one. So this is Kari Petruch, ladies and gentlemen, who happens to be with us today helping us with our sanity. Yeah, you had kind of a challenging mom growing up, she had a mental condition that made you question your own reality. What was her condition again?

Kari Petruch
Paranoid schizophrenia.

Janine Bolon
Yeah, she was paranoid schizophrenia. I wanted to make sure you said that not me, because after the name, and I knew my brain would do other things, right. So what I love to share about Kari is that she had to really investigate relationships in a way that most of us don’t, because the reality that she had at home, versus the reality that she had at school were like, diametrically opposed. I mean, it was like 180 degree shift. So who better than somebody like this, to give you advice on how to increase the intimacy in your relationships, and it’s through an episode or through a technique that most people forget to employ. So talk to us a little bit about how people can go about smashing those childhood beliefs, because that’s where it comes from, you know, the kind of relationships we saw in our childhood man, that will totally color what we do going forward. So you’ve got these beautiful kind of four phases. So talk to us about the first phase.

Kari Petruch
Well, the first phase is examining your own box. So when we’re children, we decide what goes in our box. You know, we do this we don’t do that. We like this. We don’t like that. We like broccoli. We don’t like broccoli. And so we make that box and we also make decisions about what we like about ourselves or don’t like and what we like and other people and don’t like, and we create the box. Now everybody’s got a box. I don’t care how open minded you are, we all have a box. A box that decides who we are, what we want, what we don’t want, and it starts very, very early. Part of your box is given to you as a child, and then you add on to it, some people give you some things and some things you decide to take and leave the rest. So when you have a couple that comes together, you remember that each one of you has a box. And what happens after that is you say, Oh, I like what’s in his or her box. I like what they do, we have this in common. But what we don’t really focus on is what we don’t like in the other person’s box. We don’t even take a nod at it when we’re in a romantic relationship, and we’re courting each other. We just say, I like that part of their box, and then what happens is you get together and the relationship progresses, and you realize there are things that you don’t like in the other person’s box. And that’s the beginning of examining what it is that needs to happen so that you two can be even closer.

Janine Bolon
What I love about what you’ve talked about is you talk about the box, right? So you have this four sided cube or you know, whatever you want to call it six sided cube that we each walk around with in our head defining for ourselves, who we are and where we want to go. But during this period of time, we’re making decisions. Now, in your own experience, did you ever have times where you decided, before you got into a relationship things that you were going to jettison from your box? Because I know that I made decisions really early on, like, absolutely, this is a deal breaker. So are those things that we get rid of out of our box? How would that work in your metaphor, because that’s something I’d like to know.

Kari Petruch
Right, there are things that I don’t want in my box, and I made those decisions, I do not care for dishonesty, I do not care for disloyalty, and it can go on, there are things that are important to me. But what I like to focus on are my values that are important to me. And focusing on what isn’t important to me keeps me not worrying about those other things, it keeps me totally focused on what it is I want to be in my box, instead of what I don’t want in my box.

Janine Bolon
I think that’s a much healthier way to go. It keeps me in a more positive frame of mind if I’m always focused on that. I’d like to define a typical scientist here, I like to define basic words, because I never make the assumption that we are talking the same language. So when you say my values, this is a word that is used extensively. So can you give us some examples of your values and what the word values means to you?

Kari Petruch
Value, one of my values is loyalty, I value loyalty, it’s important to me in my life, I value it because I value it in me, I’m loyal. And I value that loyalty in other people. Loyalty to my detriment is not a good thing, but being loyal to those I love is very important to me, and I need that to be very important to anyone who’s in a relationship with me.

Janine Bolon
Okay, so it’s more like a character trait that is kind of the values like you look at yourself, and you see what your character traits are, and those kind of manifests into your values. Do I have that right? Or do you want to define that a bit better for me?

Kari Petruch
Sure, sure to some extent, I mean, there’s, some of those are character traits, but some of them are more ethereal too, like universal love or freedom, or, you know, some of them are concepts, and I value those concepts. So there are some hardcore characteristics that I value, and there are concepts that I value.

Janine Bolon
I get it, okay. And so when it comes to people making decisions about their box, what are some powerful tools? Or what is an exercise maybe that somebody can do to see where they have inadvertently put something in their box, and they look at and they go, Oh, I don’t want that there. Why is that there? How do you find that stuff without like, digging into the darkness of your soul? You know what I mean? I mean, there are ways to excavate that stuff without having to go to dark places. So I figure you’d have a tool.

Kari Petruch
Absolutely. Whenever there’s something in someone else that you don’t like, it’s probably something that you don’t like and accept about yourself. That’s a really hard concept for most people to understand. And then the other kick is whenever you decide that you have to be right, and the other person is wrong you close the door to communication and intimacy. And that’s also a very difficult concept to learn to implement.

Janine Bolon
One of the jokes my kids parrot this back to me all the time. And it used to be all right you can be right, but I’m happy. Oh man did that annoy people. Because I came from a scientific background and I would watch whole conference rooms are rubbed over, such little stuff because in science, you know, everybody wants to be right. There’s a lot of prestige in being right. And I learned to bow out of that I was like the lab rat. That’s what they used to call bench chemist. You know, we were the lab rats, you know, we just did the work, and the PhDs and all them, they did you know, the other stuff. And so I would sit there and just look at these things, erupt and go, Oh, my gosh, that’s ridiculous. So I learned really early on, I don’t want to be right, not at the expense of my happiness, you know, and now it’s about with the law of attraction, you got a lot of people talking about that. I’m like, Cool. Somebody joined my party. I love that. So let’s talk about these other two points, because I’m sorry, we’re running close on time. I want make sure we get through it. So first, you have a box, and then you start making decisions on what stays in your box, a what can be jettison. So, really look at do I have to be right, that’s what your tool that you recommend to everybody.Kari is right on this one. And it’s like, look at the need to be right. If you have to be right, that’s something in your box, you may want to go. Alright, so then you have the couple’s box.

Kari Petruch
Right. So, the couples get together and they create a box together and there’s gonna be conflict the need to be right is usually the conflict you know, there’s money, sex, kids are the three stressors in a marriage. And, the need to be right all boils down to that. It wouldn’t matter if you have a friendship, any kind of relationship, the big stressor is in the need to be right. And so to smash the need to be right, what I offer the couple is start playing. You know, it’s so easy to play. So whenever, you know, an argument stops, if you could just laugh, if you can just chase each other around the house. You know, if you break the conflict, you break the momentum, you move into playing with each other. And it’s amazing what happens when couples do this when they decide that, Okay, it’s getting heated, and I have heard so many authorities say that, Oh, well, you need to go do this, and you need to go to that. But when does it really break? Think about it? When is it really break when you both realize how ridiculous the argument is, and it usually is pretty ridiculous where it started from. But when you both realize, and you start laughing, is that what you remember? Oh, remember, we’ve gotten to this argument and we just started laughing. Or I stuck my tongue out at you because I felt like being a little girl, and I didn’t like what you were saying, and then both burst into laughter. That’s it, start playing, break it with play, break it with laughter, break it with fun. Do something funny, you know, chase your wife around the house, chase your husband around the house, do something funny to break the momentum of that, and you will find that accepting each other, accepting each other’s beliefs, accepting each other’s way of doing things happens, but it also changes. It breaks the seriousness, and you can get into that box, you can discover with each other, why was it so important that I believed this? Why was it so important that I believe that? You know, if you’re too busy fighting and having to be right, then you’re not making intimacy, and no one wants to really be intimate with somebody that they’re always arguing with.

Janine Bolon
Right? Hey, I don’t know about you, that’s no fun. And if I’m not having fun, right? That’s what it’s all about. When I first am in a relationship with a friend or whoever, it’s because they make me laugh, and it’s fun, and I love their humor. I mean, that’s the very first thing right? So Okay, before we run out of time, because we’re about ready to hit another break. Tell us a little bit about this wonderful book that you have coming out talk to us about that.

Kari Petruch
It’s called, Get Out of the Box and into Play, the Secret to a Lasting Relationship and it just released on Valentine’s Day.

Janine Bolon
Congratulations! Yay!

Kari Petruch
Thank you, it’s a great journey of how to examine each other’s boxes and how to build your own box together. Just kind of what I taught. Well, it’s way more about what I talked about in there, and there’s some wonderful stuff in the back of the book about how you can play with each other and have fun.

Janine Bolon
Okay, and in the show notes, we will have the link so that people can go there and make that happen and buy that book. Say the title for us one more time.

Kari Petruch
Get Out of the Box and into Play, the Secret to a Lasting Relationship.

Janine Bolon
Okay, and stay with us after the break where we will have Amanda Wood back, yes, per everyone’s request. We had people that wanted to learn more from this wonderful stylist and fashion designer. And if you think that’s too highfalutin for you, you want to have Amanda working with you. We’ll chat with you after the break. Stay tuned.

Janine Bolon
And welcome back. I cannot wait for you to meet our next guest who happens to be Amanda Wood. Not only is she a personal stylist with over 15 years of experience training from the New York Institute of Art and Design and on a mission to empower her clients to realize their goals, their confidence and their happiness by discovering what their best style and image is. Now, you may think that this is a woman who has been in styling and awesome fashion for years and years in actuality she started off as a chemist, she was I mean, a scientist, I’m the chemist, she’s the scientist. And she was we were talking about dinosaurs, and we’re having such a great time, we almost forgot to start talking about fashion. So it’s like, dear Amanda, would you come back onto the Janine Bolon show and talk about what you’ve done with your work and all that. So if you want to learn more about her story, you need to go to an episode before this one where she does talk about her story. But today, by golly, we are going to get through the five fashion types. And so take it away, Amanda. Thank you for coming back. What are those five fashion types?

Amanda Wood
Of course, of course, and thank you for having me back on. I’m so excited to be here. The five different body types are apple, rectangle, inverted triangle, triangle, and hourglass, and that is the basic ones. And there’s obviously very much the sub-levels and the differentiators within those five types, but those are the basic five types. And those are for men and women. So for the ladies and gentlemen that have an apple body type, I’m always making sure I am defining the waist and showing a waist because usually when people have an apple body type, they don’t have too much of a waist. And when you are making sure that the clothing looks and feels amazing on them that you’re always balancing out the body frame, and just making it look fabulous. So for the gentlemen, I love doing a lot of layers, light knit, light weight, knits, and sport coats are great for that. And for the ladies, I love doing a wrap dress to define the waist and then maybe belt it maybe not. I love doing blazers, belted, to always define the waist and show the waist. And then with every single one of my clients regardless of your body type, I always do what they call the french tuck, the half tuck, you may or may not have seen it, it is a trick to elongate the frame, elongate the legs and just present a gorgeous shape. Next one is rectangle, and this is where you’re kind of just straight. And this is again for men and women, and that your hips, to your shoulders, to your waist is kind of all the same measurement, you don’t have too many defining curves. So with that, I love doing a little bit of shoulder pads on the ladies, for the gentlemen I might do a lighter color up top and then always defining the waist, belting or doing the tuck. Then I might do a boot cut on the bottom for the ladies, and then for the gentlemen do a little bit of a darker color, because most men love being the inverted triangle, which means broader shoulders up top, a little bit narrower, and straight down on bottom. And then next you have the triangle.

Janine Bolon
I’m gonna pause you right there, because before we run through this, I just want to let people know what you are getting right now is how to save money. Here we have a high class, very educated woman, who has studied this in a very scientific way so that she can save you money. And you know what the Janine Bolon show we like to save your money, time, your knowledge and your sanity. And I can think of nothing that causes me more grief than go to the store and try to find something that fits my body type. And Amanda has been so wonderfully educational for me that I had to bring her on our show the second time. So that’s why she’s trying to roar through these five body types so she can give you that information. But at the same time, I wanted to bring some clarity as to why we brought her back, and that was to help save you money, save you time and help increase your knowledge when it comes to fashion. So okay, so we talked about the two body types. Go ahead, talk about the next one.

Amanda Wood
Yep. And that’s what I love doing for my clients, virtually and in person is you know, really bringing the online store down to a very curated, bespoke, assortment of pieces for them to choose from, and then obviously, when I meet my clients in person, I have the dressing room all set and ready to go and they don’t have to go through the stress and the sea of options and I’ve picked everything that’s perfect for their, you know, aspirations, or goals, or body types, or colors, and just make it perfect. So next one we have is triangle and this is when your shoulders are a little bit larger to your waist and your hip ratio. So, excuse me, I just did inverted triangle. It’s one of those days, crazy day.

Janine Bolon
It’s okay. Just go ahead. All right, back to the triangle, not the inverted, there you go.

Amanda Wood
Yep. So triangle is when your hips are a little bit larger than your shoulder and waist. ratio. So for that body type, I love doing either lighter colors up top, darker colors on bottom. And then I also love doing shoulder pads up top to give that balance out of the frame. And then also, if my lady is a little bit of a larger breasted lady, I will do a V neck which elongates the face and elongates the neck and just brings the eye all the way down the body frame and just makes the top portion balance out with the bottom portion. And then for the gentlemen, I will do the darker colors on bottom and then lighter colors up top, and it just works out great. And then for the inverted triangle, and that one is when, oh no, I just did that again, I’m going to get my triangles all mixed up.

Janine Bolon
We have inverted triangles, and we have triangles. And so, yeah, and so when you’re working that out, you can figure out what they mean by the shoulders and the waist.

Amanda Wood
Yep, yep, so inverted triangle, your hips are a little bit larger than your shoulders, triangle, your shoulders are a little bit larger than your waist. So you’re just always wanting to balance it out and just pop a little bit of shoulder pads on if you have a little bit of a hip and then the reverse if you have a little bit more of a shoulder. So just basically always take a peek at your frame and just always balance it out. And then last but not least, we have hourglass, which is the two triangles that are trying to create my mind perfectly balanced out together. So an hourglass shape is just the perfect balance of the shoulders and the hips are about the same ratio, and then the waist is a little bit, to quite a bit smaller, so you have that perfect hourglass shape. And for those people that have that shape, they can, you know, pick to dress up any part of their body that they’d like for the ladies, you know, dress up your curves and just have an amazing time with it. If you like a little bit more attention to your decolletage and your cleavage, you know, go for that. And then for the gentlemen, they can just you know, where if they want to emphasize the top half were a little bit of a light color up top, if they want to emphasize the bottom half were a little bit of a lighter color down bottom. So it’s just taking a peek at your frame, and with my clients, I love doing this when they pop on a black t-shirt, or a black tank top, depending if you’re a man or woman popping on some black tight fitting leggings, jeans, joggers, on bottom, and then just standing in the mirror and taking a look at yourself and just seeing, are my shoulders to my waist, to my hips, about the same, definitely different. What am I seeing proportionate wise? Then you’ll always switch and do a profile just to see and take into account your shape that way. And don’t be afraid to take a peek at your shape. Every single person is gorgeous, you are all just wonderful, and just make the clothing work for you. Not you work for the clothing. So that is a great way to check out and see what my body type is. And that is the five different types.

Janine Bolon
Thank you so much for running through that so quickly. And one of the things that I absolutely loved when I first started following your work and seeing what you were doing was that you really believe, you’re trying to revolutionize the fashion industry in this way, which is instead of men and women going through exercise routines and working their guts out trying to change their body so that they can fit into a piece of outfit you’re like, Alright, let’s start with where you are. Okay, now, things may change, but start with where you are so we can bring you joy in the moment. So for those of you who are like instant gratification junkies, I’m raising my hand you cannot see that. I love to work in the now like okay, but this is where I am now I haven’t lost that 20 pounds, or I haven’t lost that 15 pounds. And so I’m working toward it, but how do I get to feeling good now, Amanda Wood is the person that can help you with that. So talk to us about what spurred you to even think in this very different way of this very holistic way. It’s not at all traditional. So talk to us a bit about that.

Amanda Wood
So, I love and that’s why pretty much just the essence of why I do what I do is that I love helping people feel comfortable in their own skin. I absolutely love helping people, you know, find their confidence and find that inner, you know, just acceptance of their self in a way and it just breaks my heart with especially a lot of the ladies that I work with that they have that just little voice in their head that just beats them up all day, every single day. And it is my joy, and my mission to stop and reverse that mindset. And I love working with my clients, men and women to say what are your goals? What are your aspirations? Where do you see yourself in five years? How can we work together? I want to go on the journey with you. I’m not going to every single moment of it tell you quote unquote what to do. I’m going to guide you, and help you, and be your champion, and be your spokesperson of helping you find clothing that is not only going to bring out all of your confidence, and make you shine, and make you achieve your goals and make you achieve your aspirations, but I’m also going to show you how it works best for you and why it works best for you. And I love helping people see themselves for who they wanted to be, or want to be or achieving to be. And when I’m working with a client in person, and I just see them looking at themselves in the mirror and just glowing, and a lot of my lady clients will cry that they are going, Wow, I didn’t know I could look this good. I am so happy. And I didn’t know. And I’m seeing myself as the person that I’ve always strived to achieve, and I just wasn’t sure how. So that is what makes my day.

Janine Bolon
Right. And one of the things I wanted to get to is because we only have two minutes before the break here, and that is you were telling me about the story of how you have male clients, like the gentleman who was found, and he decided that maybe his football jersey and shorts were not where he wanted to be. Would you describe how it is for men, because we focus a lot on the women but your male clients, I find fascinating how their journey is. You got about a minute and a half.

Amanda Wood
All right, I’ll talk quick. So for the gentlemen, it’s very much to me, you know, like a little insight into the way men’s minds work because they both have the same insecurities that women do. And they have that same little voice inside their head that is like, you know, slightly in a different way. Always they’re telling them you know, this isn’t right or that’s not right. But they see it as clothings not fitting and not them not fitting into the clothing. So I love seeing them see themselves as the up leveled version of themselves, and the polished version of themselves, and they walk taller, and they just exude so much confidence. And they say wow, I didn’t know that I could look this good. I usually just try to get out the door, I throw clothes on his habit, and I don’t want to fuss. But now seeing this other version of me, I’m ecstatic to get dressed and spend a little bit of time and attack the day feeling amazing and looking amazing.

Janine Bolon
And we will talk with Amanda Wood a little bit more after the break, and stay tuned as she talks about the different ways you too can change your wardrobe.

Janine Bolon
Welcome back to the show, we have with us today personal stylist and New York Institute of Art and Design, like I said personal stylist. This woman, Amanda Wood is the individual who can help you not only with your wardrobe, but helping you with where you are with your body right now so that you can start feeling really good. Now some of the things that we’re going to be talking about, you’ve seen the reality shows, you’ve seen the makeovers, and not only do they spend an ordinate insane amounts of money to help people with their wardrobe and restyle them, one of the things I absolutely love about Amanda is how she can help you do it rather inexpensively because she has modulated the whole process. So you can go through the whole process, and if it takes you a year to go through module by module, she can do that, such as you get this complimentary style discovery call where you sit down and basically tell her the goals that you want. Then you have a personalized style mood board that she puts together, which is incredible. Then you move into what you’ve seen in all the shows, which is the wardrobe edit. And if she has to sit there for four hours on Zoom while you wander through your wardrobe, and she helps you decide what you need to keep what you need to go, she will do it. She’s the woman that will. And then there’s also for those who have the ability to have in person, she does the personal shopping, but don’t forget about that capsule wardrobe service she also offers. So this is where 2020 has brought these amazing creative designers who are helping us with our style and our image, and now they are on Zoom and they’re able to work with us through the Postal Service. Welcome back, Amanda.

Amanda Wood
Thank you. Thank you.

Janine Bolon
Okay, so talk to us a little bit about how you walk your clients through the discovery call, what they can expect, because like when you first started talking to me about this stuff, I didn’t have a clue. I’m a freaking scientist, and I’m a podcaster nobody sees me. Well, now 2020 Hit oh my god, people see, me help me right. I remember coming to you like that. And so talk to us about how you walk your clients through the process.

Amanda Wood
So as you were mentioning the first for every single client, no matter what is the Zoom style discovery chat. So this is where, and I used to do this obviously a lot in person, but due to the pandemic, its pivot, pivot, pivot. So I love having a chat over Zoom with my clients, and this is where we really get to know each other, and I get to let them know, this is the type of services that I have, let them you know, pick and choose what would be best for them, and then I get into the aspirations, and their goals and kind of talking about what we’ve been talking about. And we talk about colors, and I talk about their skin, and their undertones of their skin and their coloring, and what colors would then be best on them. And just really, you know, taking them through their journey, asking them where they would like to see themselves and about five years, and I start to craft a personalized style mood board. And I know I’m going into the second one. But I started to craft a personalized style mood board for them, that will show them basically the blueprint of where their style direction can go. And I get more cues of what they’re already interested in, and I just elaborate and uplevel on that, by showing them different style mood boards that I’ve put together that show my gentlemen clients and my lady clients, this is what casual is, this is what preppy is, this is what boho is, this is edgy, you know, etc, etc, to just hone in on what their eye is already gravitating to, and is already interested in. So from everything that they’ve told me, and I do this on Zoom, because I’m also, you know, seeing what they’re not saying because when you have a chat with somebody, there’s quite a bit that you say that you don’t realize that you’re saying that I love using because it’s, you know, giving me the ability to craft a personalized style for them. That is perfect, just so perfect. And it just makes my day when every single one of my clients is like you’ve knocked it out of the park, this personalized style mood board is perfect. I’m so excited to get ready. And so after I have created the personalized style mood board, I have a quick 10-15 minute Zoom call to go over it and just make sure that they’re loving the direction that I’m taking their style. And I go from the you know, casual aspect of it, the date night aspect of it, the business aspect of it and just really show them, this is the direction, this is where I see your style going, and get their input, and then make any tweaks or changes that may or may not be needed. And then after that is the virtual wardrobe edit. And I offer this virtually just so that you know everybody, anybody all over, can take advantage of it. And like Janine was saying I will do, and have done four or five hour zoom wardrobe edits. And it does sound like a lot, but I have my clients pop the radio on, pop the mp3 on whatever that they want to listen to, and get some music, get some groove going, grab a coffee, because I like doing them in the morning when you have a lot of energy, and just really go through. And what I’m doing is I’m removing stuff that’s not working for you. But amongst removing old habits, and old items that are blocking you from attaining your goals and reaching the person that you want to be, and removing the stuff that’s you know, just it’s like literally, it’s I call it sad. Some of the stuff that just has holes, or some of the stuff that still have the tags on or the items that were just, you know, you keep looking at them, you keep trying to find something to wear them with, but they just don’t work, but you’ve had them in there for years. And just removing all of that, and then keeping the pieces that we can still work with so that you don’t have to buy an entirely entirely new wardrobe. So while we’re doing that, I’m taking pictures of every single item. And I’m also writing down a shopping list. And we go through the shopping list, and then we go through the personalized style mood board to make sure that when we do the next bit called the in-person personal shopping day that we have, you know, agreed upon all the items that you definitely, definitely want to see in the dressing room, and then I pop in a few surprises. So, that when I meet you on your personal shopping day, I’m handing you your coffee, your juice, your water, whatever you feel like having and then a snack. And you just come into the dressing room and I have everything curated, ready to go for you. You don’t have to get stressed out about the sea of options and you just get treated to an amazing day that is just for you, all about you. I style you in each and every single different outfit. I take pictures of each. And by the end of the day, I just absolutely love hearing from every one of my clients that I saw them for who they wanted to be, I have created a bespoke style that they feel so confident in. Some of my clients do cry with happiness, and every single one of my clients is just elated. And the time goes by very quickly. And then at the end of the day, I grab all of their bags, I don’t let you carry any of the bags, and I bring them to your car for you. And just make sure that you had an amazing day. So that is start to finish, virtual, and in-person of the process. And then another virtual option, if we’re not in-person is, I can do a capsule wardrobe for you in a curated style box and pop everything in shoes, bags, wallets, cufflinks, blazers, the whole bit, in a box shipped to you, you and I virtually try on everything, go through a styling session, you pop back what you decided not to keep, and then we just have you amazing new outfits.

Janine Bolon
One of the things that just totally blew me away when you were working with me and other people, because you were kind enough to, you know, cover everybody’s names up. But you were showing the other mood boards and the way you’ve worked with people. It’s like what you said about seeing people for who they are and where their body is right now. And a lot of people think, well, there’s no hope for me. And one of the things I love about you is how you help people get over guilt, and you help them with forgiveness, self forgiveness of look, you really love these pair of pants, but you’re not getting into them anytime soon. So just give them away. So talk to us a little bit, we got about two minutes left, talk to us about how you walk people through that emotional land mine.

Amanda Wood
I do it with a lot of empathy, and a lot of I am your best friend. And I am here to go on this journey with you and to help you, because from all of the experience I have and all of the wardrobe edits that I have done. And you know, helping my clients through this is that, I know that if you keep that piece, it is just going to hold on to the memories of when it was amazing, when it did fit, and it’s just never going to fit exactly the same as when it did. And with it staying in your closet, it’s just a constant reminder, and a constant visual put down of yourself that you’re keeping and holding on to, whereas I can take that dress, that sport coat, that pair of pants and say, this was old you, this is the new you, who is gorgeous, confident and amazing. And these pants, shirt, sportcoat, dress, whatever, fit a heck of a lot better and look a heck of a lot just more amazing on you than the one that you were trying to keep, and trying to hold on to, because it’s just so many memories and such a reminder that it is not. It’s not the best to keep, trust me. So, thank you Janine, I have loved being on the show with you. A great place for anyone to find me that would want to work with me is either on my LinkedIn page, and that is where I’m Amanda Wood at the Haute Edit. Also my website which is www.theHauteEdit.com and my Instagram, which is the same theHauteEdit.com.

Janine Bolon
And this is Janine Bolon signing off with you today. Thank you, Amanda for being with us. All of us here at The Eight Gates that produce the Janine Bolon show wish you a wonderful week and remind you that we broadcast on radio stations as well as online via 42 different platforms. I wish to say goodbye to our KHNC family as we will be moving to the KXLI family. And if you wish to follow us, please visit our website at www.theJanineBolonshow.com, and sign up to hear our broadcasts on one of the top podcasting services such as iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Google podcasts, Amazon Prime, and I Heart Radio along with 36 others that are listed on our website. We wish to thank Jason Walker and the rest of the KHNC family for having us on their programs for over the last six months. It has been such a pleasure working with you. And I hope that you my dear listener will take the 30 seconds to find our show on a different podcasting platform and continue listening to us as we bring you topics of money, knowledge, sanity, and how to make it through your day with a little bit more spring in your step. So love to see you and we’ll chat with you online again soon.

Bryan Hyde
Thank you for listening to the Janine Bolon show. Be sure to subscribe to our show notes by going to www.theJanineBolonshow.com, where you’ll find additional resources as well as the opportunity to sign up to receive our programming in your email each week. Be sure to visit our sponsor at www.the8gates.com.